I’ve had the privilege of working with a historic non-profit theater group in North Carolina that has a rich 84 year history. This past year has been one of the more challenging periods we’ve ever faced as a result of being shut down due to COVID 19. There were days I wondered if we would actually survive as an organization.

With the year off we had some time to do some intense introspection and faced the reality that we needed to make some fundamental changes in order to strengthen the organization not only to survive 2020 but also for years to come as well.

Or so I thought we needed to change. I would soon discover that we needed to do more than just change – we needed to grow. At first glance this might seem like a nuanced difference but I can assure you experiencing growth is a deeper, more robust process than I had ever recognized.

You have heard it said that change is hard. And I suspect it is but we do it a lot more than we think. We makes changes and small adjustments every day. We change our clothes. We change our hair. We change the oil in our car and change the channel on our TVs. I don’t mean to make light of the idea of change because I know there are deeper levels of change that occur as well. Perhaps a change of jobs is necessary or a change in your health status or that of a loved one. These changes are much more challenging than simply changing the bed sheets.

But I believe there is a deeper level of change that happens when we allow ourselves to go through any period of growth. Either personally or organizationally. And it’s not fun. The primary reason for this I suspect is that for growth to occur something has to die or fall away in order to make space for something new. And it’s because of that falling away process and its corresponding pain and disorientation that we often avoid the process altogether and choose change over growth. We go as far as change will allow without the pain of growth because it is just so damn hard.

As an example (and there are many) think about how muscles grow. You can alter your physical appearance by dieting or doing aerobic type workouts or maybe yoga and experience significant changes both physically and mentally. But in order for muscle growth to occur, you have to force/push that muscle group into literal failure and have those muscle fibers tear apart before they can grow back together stronger and larger. Sounds delightful doesn’t it? There is real pain involved in muscle growth. Which is consistent with other kinds of growth as well.

As a leader of an organization, you must have a feel for when change is progressing into real growth and when growth is about to break the organization into a million pieces as a result of going too far too fast. There is a fine line between the two. And great leaders know when to keep pushing and not letting up too soon before real growth occurs vs pushing too far and incurring self-inflicted and sometimes fatal wounds. It takes great courage to keep moving through change into growth and real wisdom to know that enough is enough for now.

This is true for you and me as well. Personally we can begin a journey of change that can be very beneficial. But if we want real growth we must understand that change is often driven by external forces while growth is a more intense internal process. Change is often inspired by things happening to us while growth occurs when we accept those changes and allow them to break us. Growth forces us to accept being torn apart like stressed muscle fibers. I’ve explained it in the past in such a way as to recognize that you are in a real growth process when your life or enterprise feels like it is shaking and rattling like the space shuttle does as it re-enters into Earth’s atmosphere. Life feels like it’s about to break apart. It’s painful. Sometimes frightening. And common sense tells us to pull back before significant growth can actually happen. But let me encourage you to accept it and to sit in it a bit longer than you think you can without going so far as to be self-destructive. It is a difficult balancing act but I believe we all have the necessary instincts to know when we have had all we can handle.

Ask any surviving cancer patient. Life felt like it was going to break apart just before the calm of remission. Talk to any championship athlete who will tell you about pushing their bodies past the point of their own understanding in order to rise to the top. Ask any single mom who raises her children and holds down multiple jobs what it felt like on day one after the divorce and how she managed to get control of things by allowing growth to happen. It was not the job or the kids doing well in school. It was the internal growth that occurred when she accepted that there was no going back and no other options. Truly terrifying I’m sure.

Think about your life today. Where has change occurred and where has growth happened? Jot down a few notes of how those processes were different. Recognize and accept areas in your life where it feels like things are falling apart. Don’t rush to “fix” them too quickly. I know that is counterintuitive. But let the process play out. And soon you will look back and realize you re-entered your own atmosphere or found remission or you might be experiencing your child’s graduation as you fought through it alone to help make it happen.

In life we either change, grow or become irrelevant until we do. The options are somewhat limited. And if we can recognize and manage this process, the lights will come up once more, the audiences will return, the actors will take the stage and beautiful art will once more be made. I know this to be true as it is happening six nights a week just like it has for 84 years in North Carolina. We made it!